C’est La Vie, Kevin: Chapter 2
The sun was starting to set when Kevin and Edd had reached Kevins motorcycle. The clear sky was painted in different hues of orange, red and purple and the warm spring air was surrounding the two young men.
Kevin swung his leg around his motorcycle and started fastening his helmet on. When most students at Peach Creek received their licenses to drive their cars, Kevin had gotten a license to drive a motorcycle. His childhood love of bikes transitioned as he grew up, and riding on fixies wasn’t enough for him anymore. A motorcycle was the epitome of Kevin, in a metaphoric sense. Strong, fast, unpredictable, and endearing. All traits that Kevin embodied effortlessly without realizing it.
"K-kevin.." stammered Edd.
"What Double D?"
"I’ve never been on a motorcycle. And I don’t think I would be comfortable riding this type of vehicle.."
Kevin replied as he finished fastening his helmet. “Nonsense. As long as you wear this spare helmet, and hold onto me, you’ll be just fine.” His voice slightly muffled through the headpiece.
"Spare helmet? You have a spare helmet just for me..?" replied a blushing Double D
"Well no, not for you. It’s usually for Nazz. But safety first ya know."
"Oh. But of course." Edds sudden look of blissful surprise faded away in an instant. "Well if you deem it as being safe, and if Nazz has survived her times with you driving.. I suppose it’d be alright."
Kevin could still see the sense of doubt in Double D’s emerald blue eyes, and it was awkward seeing his excitement peak and fizzle out in a mere instance.
Throughout the course of their time in high school, Kevin never really looked at other people.. much less other guys. He’d always been accustomed to people looking at him, admiring him, praising him.. that he just saw past everyone. Looking at Double D now, he saw a grown teenager, but the eyes of a kid. Much like the eyes of the boy he used to torment and tease in their younger days. Eyes that held back tears, eyes that held back a sort of trauma that Kevin could only ever imagine. His view was soon obstructed when Double D finished fastening the helmet in front of him.
"Well c’mon then. Hold me tight around my waist, lean when I lean, and try not to fall in love." Kevin said slyly mixed with a hearty laugh.
"I assure you Kevin, the statistical probability of me ever falling in love with you is literally insignifcant" as Double D stradled the jocks motorcycle."Where are we going anyways?". Just as Kevin was going to respond, he was caught off guard as Double D wrapped his slender arms around Kevin. His smaller frame molded almost perfectly with his own, and he found his body stiffen from the shock of this realization.
"Kevin..? What’s wrong?" Double D sensed Kevins change in body language. "Did I do something wrong? Oh dear, oh dear. I’ve made you uncomfortable. I only did what you told me to do. I am so incredibly sorry Kevin." Double was starting to get off Kevins bike at this point.
When Kevin felt Double D getting off, he immediately wrapped his arms around the back of him keeping Double D in place. “What’re you talking about? You just caught me off guard. Get back on here dude. Besides, if you get off now, you’ll never know where I was going to take you.”
After Kevin succeeded in diffusing the awkward tension, they were off.
The warm spring afternoon was whizzing past the two teens. Their small piece of suburbia was just like any other, but in some ways.. completely unique in its own respect. Kevin felt confident and strangely satisfied feeling Double D hold onto him. After a few minutes, Kevin could sense that Double D started trusting his ability to drive his motorcycle safely. He even considered popping a wheelie so that he could feel Double D tighten his grib around his abdomen, but soon thought against it for the fear that Double D would never agree to ride with him ever again.
Kevin was soon lost in thought as to why he enjoyed the gentle touch of this other boy. Kevin never entertained the idea of being gay, and for the record, he never taunted any boy by questioning their sexuality either. Not even with Jimmy, who was so effeminate while growing up. He just always saw it as a low that he’d never stoop to. Man, this guy made Kevin feel so much different than before. He liked it.
Before he realized it, they had arrived to the exact spot Kevin wanted to take Double D to.
About 20 minutes away from the high school and on the other side of town, there was a hill that when people reached the summit of, you could see Peach Creek in its entirety. This had always been a special place for Kevin, and the only other person he’s brought here was his own girlfriend Nazz. It’s where they shared their first kiss. Now that he thought of it, he didn’t know why he was so quick to decide to take Double D to such a special place. He just settled on the reasoning that big actions will have a big payout. For one reason or another, winning Double D’s approval of his growth would be worth it for Kevin.
"A-abso-solutely magnifi-ficent…." Double managed to stutter out as he removed his helmet. The view was certainly worthy for this type of reaction.
"What a wonderful view Kevin. If I may be so bold to ask, why have you taken me here?"
"Dunno. I’ve always appreciated beautiful scenery, just a quirk of mine that I’ve always had. And since I wanted to have a talk with you, I figured it’d be nice to have a view."
"How thoughtful. What exactly did you want to have a conversation about Kevin? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious as to why you requested to spend time together today. I haven’t really spoken to you or have you address me since Freshman year.."
Kevins eyebrows furrowed in thought. Double D was right.
"Well you saying that some things never change just got me thinking I guess. I just wanted to let you know that I have changed."
"Why does my opinion matter Kevin? You’re the big man on campus afterall. And besides, I was merely joking. I should know more than anyone that all is flux and nothing remains the same."
"I suppose your right. Geez, I should have started hanging out with you a long time ago. You’re pretty wise dude."
"Well with all the time I’ve spent alone, knowledge has been the only consistency for me."
Kevin felt a sense of pity cloud his senses. The tone of their conversation suddenly turned quite serious, and he knew in that instance that this talk may have been something that Double D never knew he needed. His eyes grew empty and he turned to look at the magnificent view that was laid out before the two young men. Kevin proceeded to sit down on the soft grass growing atop the hill, and motioned for Double D to join him. The smaller male followed suit.
"Why are you always alone Double D? From childhood, I couldn’t remember a time where you weren’t with the other Ed’s."
Double D’s voice had turned quite solemn. “Well time has a way of changing things Kevin. Ed, Eddy and I had wonderful times as kids. Albeit.. you and the other kids weren’t too fond of us, especially with all the hair brained schemes Eddy tried to pull on you all for mere quarters. Looking back on the past, those times seemed so trivial, childish, comical even. But when I was there, I couldn’t have been happier. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. After Ed moved away, there wasn’t really anything holding Eddy and I together. We still remain friends, but Eddy found a new clique to lead. In retrospect, things do indeed change.. my earlier statement is actually false” Double D paused, and Kevin found himself mute since he was deep in thought. “Nowadays, I feel like I can be in a room full of my peers, and they would never really see me for me. They’d only see me as the image they had created for me. The genius, the braniac, the loner. I’ve always felt so alone because of this.”
Kevin tensed up at Double D’s poignant confession. He felt the same way. “Funny thing Edd, we have more in common than sharing childhood together.”
Double D broke out of the trance he was in, and looked at Kevin with questioning eyes. “What do you mean Kevin?”
Kevin cleared his throat. What he was about to say was going to be tough. But he felt at ease sharing this with Edd. He didn’t know why, but he just did. He figured not to fight anything, Edd has been making him feel confused all afternoon afterall. “I mean, I feel like nobody really sees me for me either. For as long as I can remember, everyone around me had put me on some sort of pedestal ya know? Like Kevin can do this, Kevin can do that, Kevins so great, Kevin can do no wrong and I wanted to live up to that.. And now everyone can only see me as the “prom king” or the “big man on campus”. But I’ve been thinking lately that no one really knows who I am as a person, which is a bummer ya know? It leaves me feeling defeated and worse.. alone”
"Not even Nazz, Kevin? Nazz out of all people should know who you are. You two are meant to be." Double D said with a hopeful tone. He wanted to make his unlikely companion this afternoon happier.
"Naa, not even Nazz. Shes come the closest though. But we’ve all got secrets to hide. We’ve all got our own demons to fight." Kevin was looking out at the horizon with such intense eyes while saying this.
"Absolutely.." Double D was touched by Kevin’s candid nature this afternoon. "You’re right Kevin, we do have more in common afterall."
Kevin then directed his intense stare onto Double D. His hazel-green eyes startling the slender boy. Although the stare lasted a few seconds before Kevin spoke, to Double D it felt much longer. There seemed to be an electric current running through the air. Double D never believed in the statement, “love at first sight.” but as logical as Double D is, he couldn’t deny the power of recognition. Because in that split second of locking eyes with his childhood bully, Double D felt a flame inside his chest that was entirely foreign to him. It was as if Kevins gaze brought him to life.. brought him back from the dark place Double D hid when he found himself in his loneliest moments. He recognized that this feeling could never be easily duplicated.
The moment passed, and when the barriers had been broken.. Kevin and Double D found themselves comfortable speaking to eachother from a range of topics. From where they want to go, who they want to be, what colleges they were attending in the Fall, what they planned to major in. Time started to slip by faster and faster, and the two young men didn’t notice nor did they care.
Kevin paused and realized how dark it had become around them, with only the dim lights from the suburbs and town below them, and the stars above them illuminating their surroundings. Double D noticed as well when Kevin grew quiet.
Kevin then stared intensely at Double D again before he spoke. What he was about to say would change Double D in a way that he could never have foreseen.
"Y’know Double D.. when I’m at school surrounded by all these people.. Rolf, Johnny, .. Nazz. I usually find myself speaking to people who don’t really care for what I have to say, but care about what my status can bring them. I always have to impress others to maintain that status and it gets so tiring. But when I’m with you.. I don’t have to try to do anything.. but be myself. When I’m with you.. I don’t feel so alone."
Double D smiled, revealing the charming half inch gap in between his rather perfect smile. “I feel the same way Kevin..”
Across town, Nazz waited anxiously for a phone call that wouldn’t come that night.
3:11:00 @ 4/23/2013
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